Leaving on a jet plane...

Tomorrow morning I'll be heading south to spend the rest of my spring break with my wonderful friend who lives in Florida. So I thought today I'd recap my time in Virginia. Mainly the things I bought.
-4 dresses (2 American Eagle, 2 Forever 21)
-4 skirts (2 American Eagle, 1 Old Navy, 1 Target)
-3 pairs of shorts (Old Navy)
-2 sweaters (Old Navy)
-1 hoodie (Old Navy)
-1 laptop case
-1 book (Full-Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti)
-1 tote bag (Vera Bradley)
-1 pair sunglasses (at Name Droppers)
-1 bottle nail polish (bright yellow, Sephora)
-3 magazines (Nylon, Vogue, Bazaar) (I also read all the magazines that have been piling up at home for me...and my sister's April Elle cause mine is at school)
-5 pairs of underwear (Aerie)
-1 coat (Gap)
Interestingly, the movie I saw while I was home was Confessions of a Shopaholic. Coincidence?

I don't steal and I don't lie

Every once in a while, I'll watch Grease or this song will come up through my shuffle and I'll remember just how awesome it is. That happened tonight. So here, for your listening/viewing pleasure:

Normal is the watchword

Life is never really normal is it? No matter where I am, there's always something that skews a little off center, throwing me into some sort of spiral. But that's beside the point right now.
The point right now is the most interesting book I've read in a while. Yes Means Yes! Visions of female sexual power and a world without rape was an extremely compelling read, from when I was sitting by the lake, to my dorm room, to sitting in the airport and on the plane home. It gave me a lot to think about, really.
One of the first things I noticed about it was that I could see myself in some of the situations they talked about. I didn't start at the beginning, instead choosing a chapter with themes that seemed interesting to me. And when it started describing the situation that begins that chapter ("an immodest proposal") I could immediately relate it to my life. Which, honestly, seemed a little eerie to me at first, but I guess that I just had never thought of how many other people go through the exact same thing as I have.
It also helped me to realize things about or world and things about myself. Conceptions that our society has about teenage girls in specific that I realize I fit into or don't fit into or realize how they've shaped my perception of different things. It really made me think about what I want in my life. How I could have so much more control over my own life, over my own body even, that I just don't even think of.
I haven't quite figured out what I want yet. But I figure that when I do, at least I'll have help going after what I want.

Sitting in my real bed...

It feels so good to be home. Seriously, I'm just so relaxed and just...happy. It's nice to not really have to worry about anything, to get up late, to make myself coffee in the morning. And it's nice to be away from people for a little while. When you're living with all of your friends, it just gets a little overwhelming sometimes. But here, when I talk to my friends it just seems really nice cause I'm not seeing them. Which is not to say I'm not happy to talk to them and see them at school. But, I guess it just like, reaffirms why I choose to spend all my time around these people. You know, I'd forgotten how glorious my bed is...how soft and comfy. And It makes me so happy to go shopping. I really could care less how shallow that sounds, but really. I love shopping. I went to Target yesterday, and it was magnificent. I also finished my book yesterday, which is what my next post'll be about.

You've already done the damage, we're a thing of the past

And by that I mean, I'm going home tomorrow and I could not be more excited!!! Today was really warm and wonderful, especially since I think I did well on my exam. And because I spent two hours sitting on a rock next to the lake with my friends, completely done with everything. It was actually a really good day. But later I realized that I really do need to get away. I need to stop worrying about my life, I need to stop worrying about other people in my life. Of course, that's how it always goes right? After a day of being happy my unhappiness has to rear its ugly head again. And it doesn't exactly help that I'm not the best at hiding my unhappiness. At least from certain people.

You kill my spiders and I'll chase away your pigeons

I've got one more full day here before I go home for spring break. I'm pretty excited to see my parents though I'm sad I won't see my sister. I'll miss my friends though, which is the main problem I foresee over spring break. Of course, it won't be as bad as over winter break, when I ended up being homesick for my school friends. Luckily, I'll be going to visit my love in Florida and her boyfriend, who is also my friend, will be there too. So I'll get two of the four people I would miss. I think maybe this break will be better just because it's shorter. I didn't really start to actually miss anyone last break until midstream.
I guess one of the bigger things that's making me want to go home is that I'm homesick. And I almost started crying about it a few days ago before I realized why I was feeling crappy. And dear god, I hate crying. Especially in front of other people. Luckily, the person I was in front of was all hugs and sympathy. He gets extra points for that. I think I was homesick because I saw one of my friends from home that day. It was great to see her, but it really reminded me of what I miss about home. Another thing I miss is constant reminder of love. My parents love me and I love them and they love each other. And being surrounded by that makes me a happier person. I just don't get that around here. Sure, there are boyfriends and girlfriends (especially in my group of friends) but it's not as real. And I don't really have that. So it leaves me pining for the love at home. Which is why I've decided that I should call my parents more often. It's always such a boost to the spirit when you're reminded that yes, somebody does love you.
That said, I do love my friends, and I love being around them. And I will miss them. But I'm so happy to be going home.

My new favorite song

A friend brought this to my attention this morning while we were talking online. He had been watching different youtube videos (possibly for hours) and one of the ones he had found was this 32 songs in 8 minutes thing. One of the songs featured was the following, which now makes my life

It's Getting to be That Time again

That time when i want to buy lots and lots of clothes because the season is changing. Two days ago, when I was on my way to the Art Institute to meet one of my friends who goes to U Chicago, I decided to stop into the Gap. (I had been told to take my time walking to the museum since my friend thought she was going to be a little late). It was cold outside, but when I saw the Gap it made me really happy. Something about the colors of storefronts when they've put out spring clothing just makes me feel so warm inside. So I stopped in to find myself surrounded by colorful clothing, making me wish that it was warm outside and that I had the money to buy lots and lots of bright and cheerful clothing. I think that's one of the things I look forward to over spring break: bringing home some of my cold weather clothing (but of course not all of it) and bringing back some for spring. That and going to Florida and being warm. Which means that I can wear warm-weather clothes. Which is super-exciting to me.

"Yeah, but maybe she's just a lazy whore. That happens right? They can't all have hearts of gold"

Thank you Wonderfalls for that lovely gem right there. So, I said I'd explain the healing capacity of the following song:
It's usually the first song I listen to when I'm angry at someone (especially if the reason why I'm mad has anything at all to do with my love life - or lack thereof). I think it's partly because of the video. Taking out anger in a physical way. Because she seems to have the upper hand. Which is something I feel like I'd always like to have, but when I'm angry or sad, I often don't have. I also think sometimes I relate to the lyrics. It calms me down, just because it reminds me of things to be rational about. And it reminds me that I do have the power to make my own decisions in my life, even when it feels out of control. Even when I feel like I'm not strong enough to change anything that's bothering me. It was the first addition to a playlist, affectionately titled "The douche list" on my itunes. I made the list when I was mad at someone, and it has served me pretty well since then. I guess I'll explain my favorites from list. Because that seems like something fun to do.
Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence: arguably my second choice, it's exceptional for when you're mad at someone because of alcohol-related incidents.
Skin - Alexz Johnson: yeah, it's from Instant Star, which is a terrible show. But when I saw the episode with the song, I had to seek it out. Really, it's supposed to be about her father who's cheating on her mom, though everyone thinks it's about her own cheating boyfriend. Mostly it's about someone having a hold on you that you can't shake. And how you have to get rid of it. It's spiteful and angry but still kind of sad, which is why I like it so much. Even if the show is terrible.
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson: This is another where the music video is half the fun. I love how much fun she has with taking out her anger on everything this guy and his new girlfriend own. And it highlights the positives of being single.
The Breakup Song - American Hi-Fi: Even though it's kind of whiny, I love how much he seems to hate her. Plus the line "don't hang around, don't call my friends, they won't know who you are" is something wonderful to yell when I'm mad.
Sin Wagon - Dixie Chicks: I love that this song is from the perspective of a woman who's been controlled for a little too long, and she's just going out and having as much fun as she possibly can. No matter what that might entail. She acknowledges that maybe it's not the best idea, but she still does it. It's kind of awesome.
Bonus Mosh Pt. II - Taking Back Sunday: "It's love, make it hurt, I deserve it" lovelovelove. for when I'm more sad then angry
Snake Devil - Scary Kids Scaring Kids: "She said I want you to know before you let me go, it's your fault I'm demoralized" I think sometimes I am that girl, but I never say anything. She also seems extremely spiteful. And dear god, if I am full of anything, it's probably spite.
Jude Law and a Semester Abroad - Brand New: This one has an excellent mix of both spiteful anger and still caring for the person that it's directed at. I think I relate to some of the sentiments in the song, at some level. Also "and even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me by not burning in the wreckage or drowning at the bottom of the sea" sort of makes my life.
Note: I wasn't at all angry at anyone when I decided to write this. Oddly, I decided to write this when I was perfectly content.

Why I'm here

In my multimedia storytelling class this past week, we had our last lecture by the professor who, though in the beginning I thought she was harsh and unlikable, I had really started to like. She sent us off with words of wisdom about pursuing our desired careers in journalism. One of the things she told us was to think about why we were there, in that room, to learn journalism. I thought about it and came up with one definitive answer, which is obviously not the whole answer, but the first answer that came to my mind. I'm here because of Chuck Klosterman. I had always wanted to be a writer, but when I started to read Spin (back when it was good) and read Klosterman's columns for them, I started to get into the idea of journalism. Then I read his books. I think maybe, to a certain extent, they changed my life. My sister lent me Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs after she had read it for one of her classes. It was probably the most interesting non-fiction book I had read up to that point. It just had so many different insights about popular culture and made me think about writing in a different way. I think after that, I tried to mimic Klosterman's tone a little, but in my own way. It made me really think about what I wanted to write about as well. Junior year, when we had a free writing assignment, I didn't write fiction for the first time. I wrote non-fiction, but more, creative non-fiction I guess. It was the most fun I had had with a writing assignment in a long time. I think it made me want to do that for a living. Write about popular culture or something like that. That became my ideal career path. And that's why I am where I am now. Sure my ideal has changed a little - I'd rather work for a fashion magazine. But I still hold that desire to be able to write about popular culture and affect someone the way that Chuck Klosterman affected me.
Next Up: Why Ex-Girlfriend is my go-to sad/angry song.

A Fresh Start

I decided that I wanted another one of these. One that I would actually want other people to see, I guess. I named it Suburban Tea Party because that's what I've basically been wishing for lately. I wish I were at home and it was springtime and I was just having a big tea party with my friends. Kind of like my birthday party last year. I've decided that I like the idea of having something that people I know can see. Something that I'm not hiding. We'll see how this goes. And if I can maintain two of these.